Death of a Loved One
That grief is so specific that Meghan O’Rourke, in her book The Long Goodbye – written after her mother’s death, quotes Iris Murdoch:
“The bereaved cannot talk to the un-bereaved.”
Yesterday
was the completion of 19 years in total since the demise of my dad. However, the
immediate response to that tragic incident was quite obvious but over the time in many ways the Lord has taught us, as family, to stay strong. Since the time I knew
the Lord despite the temporary sadness of the absence of relational role of a
father in my life I, personally, never felt abandoned. God is the master of turning
good out of what seems worse to human eyes.
Though it took me long time to get emotional stability but today I understand the ways in which God worked in my family and ever since I remained grateful to God not only for benefit but also for every loss.
Well that was my story but everyone sooner or later has to go through such situation in life. The death of
a loved one is heartbreaking. And each bereavement has its special set of griefs
and other resilient emotions. There is the sorrow that comes unexpectedly and startlingly
with an unexpected death, and there is the long sorrow of gradually losing
someone during a terminal illness.
In this
lesson we'll study what the Bible reveals about death, about God's promise of
life after death, how to comfort one another and how to obtain God's gift of
comfort and peace.
Biblical Portrayal
of Death
John 11:11He said to them, "Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him up."John goes on to relate how Jesus raised Lazarus from death to life (John 11:12-45).
In the Bible, death is often referred to as sleep; a total lack of consciousness (Psalm 13:3; Ecclesiastes 9:5).
The striking
allegory of sleep highlights the fact that the first death is momentary and
that everyone who dies will be awakened. This understanding of death is much
more soothing than all the unbiblical and flawed ideas about death.
When someone
dies, family and friends often agonize with shames and feelings of guilt about
things they had said or done, or things they neglected to say or do. But God
doesn't want us to exhaust ourselves up about the past. He wants us to repent
of our sins and look forward to our reunification in the next life, when we
will have ample of occasions to talk to our loved ones.
Grieving Over Death
Matthew 5:4Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
1 Thessalonians 4:13But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.
It's common
and healthy to mourn when we lose a loved one. Those who suppress grief rather
than expressing it suffer rather intense psychological complications in the
long run. But healthy grieving depends on confronting the reality of death.
Those who rightly
understand the Bible feel and express grief, not fear and despair; their hope
and faith give them great security.
The apostle Paul, right after explaining
about the promise of the resurrection, said,
"Therefore comfort one another with these words" (1 Thessalonians 4:18).
Revelation 21:4"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
Not only
will families be reunited, but we'll all be in one big happy family—the family
of God! And that family will live forever—with no more death, sorrow or crying!
Behaving With Bereaved
Here is the main challenge. Hope you noticed the first quote in the beginning of the article. It’s very
difficult sometimes to face the bereaved. Not because we fear them but an
inability to face them with their strong negative emotions of losing the one
they loved. Just because of this reason, to be honest, I must say that I
avoided couple of my friends who lost their dear ones.
“A very painful thing, when you’ve had a loss, is those around you never acknowledge it.”
1. Sit Close
In times,
our words fail and philosophizing of the meaning of death and life becomes
meaningless. One of the greatest expressions of empathy is the mere presence.
Just sitting alongside the one who has lost his/her dear one would not only
comfort the bereaved but strengthen your relation with that individual. It
shows them that there is someone who is shouldering them this moment of pain.
2. Stay
Silent
One of the biggest
errors we make is when we reach on the scene and begin talking. We do not have
to storm in like we are to fix anything or dish out solutions. Our knowledge,
sometimes, makes us abrupt in speech. One of the most significant things we can
do is listen. Listen to their hurt, confusion, and questions. Sometimes those
who are aching are still exasperating to process emotions and feelings. Often
times they are without words to describe how they feel. One of the best things
to say is, “I don’t know what to say.” In a way it displays respect for their hurt,
as if I don’t presume to have an easy right answer, something to say that’s
going to fix this.
3. Share
Scripture
Share the
word of wisdom, not any sort of pop psychology. The bereaved needs the promises
of their Father to alleviate and ease them in their damages. One of the most
practical ways for us to do is memorizing a few passages that may be used when
we are in these types of situations. I have found three passages extremely
useful: Psalm 46:1; 2 Corinthians 12:9; Isaiah 41:10. Each of these passages offers
diverse expression of the central promise of Godʼs immediacy, faithfulness, and
all-sufficient grace as we hurt. Remember passages like this so you may be equipped
to offer life-giving, soul-feeding truths in times of an emergency.
And of
course never leave a family simply with a promise to pray for them, pray there
with them. Ask God to comfort them; plead His mercy over them. Thank God for
His goodness, even in trials.
When you
love someone, you become susceptible to the sorrow that comes from losing that
individual. But love is all-important, and God doesn't want us to hold back on
loving people to dodge future sorrow. The Bible also makes it clear that our
sorrow will be impermanent, while our joy will be forever. The Bible gives us
the hope of a wonderful future when we will be reunified with our loved ones!
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